It is the Most ___ time of the Year!
Many people laugh when I tell them that I rarely go home for the holidays “Because I don’t want to get stuck in an airport on one end or the other, with a bunch of cranky people who don’t want to be traveling for the holidays to spend time with people they feel obligated to see.” With most of my nuclear family in the Midwest and me living in New England, bad weather is inevitable; and this weekend is proving my point. Wisconsin in experiencing hurricane force winds and -40 degree F windchill. Boston had torrential downpours and extreme flooding today. I feel like cocooning in both scenarios.
The blueprint of family traditions from 20 years ago may not be the blueprint we need today.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy traveling home to spend time with family. Holidays are a time when we can all come together. But for me, it isn’t so much about the holiday itself. It is about being with family- whenever that may be. So I choose to travel home when weather is more cooperative and with less risk of crankiness from fellow passengers.
We are taught to believe this is The most wonderful time of year. For some, that may be true. They are surrounded by loved ones, have a warm bed to sleep in, food on the table, and presents under the tree.
Unfortunately, that is not the case for all. Some might find this to be the most challenging time of year-
first major holiday after a loved one has died
are in the hospital due to illness
unhoused and looking for somewhere to sleep
fighting addiction from alcohol, substance use or eating disorders
managing difficult table conversations
time management
feel like they are choosing between which bills to pay or can’t afford to buy their children holiday gifts
have no one to spend the holidays with
The list can go on with thousands of reasons why this might NOT be the most wonderful time of year. When we are faced with challenging times, feelings and emotions of stress, depression or anxiety may come up. Below are some tips from the Mayo Clinic on how to manage stress and depression:
Acknowledge your feelings. If someone close to you has recently died or you can't be with loved ones for other reasons, realize that it's normal to feel sadness and grief. It's OK to take time to cry or express your feelings. You can't force yourself to be happy just because it's the holiday season.
Reach out. If you feel lonely or isolated, seek out community, religious or other social events or communities. Many may have websites, online support groups, social media sites or virtual events. They can offer support and companionship.
If you're feeling stress during the holidays, it also may help to talk to a friend or family member about your concerns. Try reaching out with a text, a call or a video chat.
Volunteering your time or doing something to help others also is a good way to lift your spirits and broaden your friendships. For example, consider dropping off a meal and dessert at a friend's home during the holidays.
Be realistic. The holidays don't have to be perfect or just like last year. As families change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well. Choose a few to hold on to, and be open to creating new ones. For example, if your adult children or other relatives can't come to your home, find new ways to celebrate together, such as sharing pictures, emails or videos. Or meet virtually on a video call. Even though your holiday plans may look different this year, you can find ways to celebrate.
Set aside differences. Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don't live up to all of your expectations. Set aside grievances until a more appropriate time for discussion. And be understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes awry. Chances are they're feeling the effects of holiday stress and depression, too.
Stick to a budget. Before you do your gift and food shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend. Then stick to your budget. Don't try to buy happiness with an avalanche of gifts.
Try these alternatives:
Donate to a charity in someone's name.
Give homemade gifts.
Start a family gift exchange.
Plan ahead. Set aside specific days for shopping, baking, connecting with friends and other activities. Consider whether you can shop online for any of your items. Plan your menus and then make your shopping list. That'll help prevent last-minute scrambling to buy forgotten ingredients. And make sure to line up help for meal prep and cleanup.
Learn to say no. Saying yes when you should say no can leave you feeling resentful and overwhelmed. Friends and colleagues will understand if you can't participate in every project or activity. If it's not possible to say no when your boss asks you to work overtime, try to remove something else from your agenda to make up for the lost time.
Don't abandon healthy habits. Don't let the holidays become a free-for-all. Overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt.
Try these suggestions:
Have a healthy snack before holiday meals so that you don't go overboard on sweets, cheese or drinks.
Eat healthy meals.
Get plenty of sleep.
Include regular physical activity in your daily routine.
Try deep-breathing exercises, meditation or yoga.
Avoid excessive tobacco, alcohol and drug use.
Be aware of how the information culture can produce undue stress, and adjust the time you spend reading news and social media as you see fit.
Seek professional help if you need it. Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by physical complaints, unable to sleep, irritable and hopeless, and unable to face routine chores. If these feelings last for a while, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional.
Take a breather. Make some time for yourself. Find an activity you enjoy. Take a break by yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone, without distractions, may refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do. Find something that reduces stress by clearing your mind, slowing your breathing and restoring inner calm.
Some options may include:
Taking a walk at night and stargazing
Listening to soothing music
Reading a book
Don't let the holidays become something you dread. Instead, take steps to prevent the stress and depression that can descend during the holidays. Learn to recognize your holiday triggers, such as financial pressures or personal demands, so you can combat them before they lead to a meltdown. With a little planning and some positive thinking, you can find peace and joy during the holidays.
be well-
